My life largely consists of literature and chasing littles at the moment. As such, it’s really hard for me to not (usually accidentally) misread book titles that show up in my Good Reads feed. It’s brought several much-needed moments of levity recently, so I’ve decided to compile a few of my favorites for you. Because even if you don’t have tiny humans with sticky fingers and the need to express very loud, high-pitched opinions threading themselves through your legs right now, chances are, you’ve witnessed this. I hope the following one-sentence pitches for the following very real adult fiction books (only a couple of which actually feature toddlers) elicit a snicker or two.
The Sea of Tranquility: A novel of crayon art, plastic boats and soap bubbles that takes the reader from the edge of the tub at 7:12pm to the end of all splashing fifteen minutes later, unfurling the epic story of a toddler’s bath.
The Last Thing He Told Me: A toddler struggles to remember what his father said about not hitting two seconds ago.
Gone Girl: Testing her new-found ability to run, Amy darts naked out the door during a diaper change gone awry.
The Hunger Games: Meal after mindless meal, toddlers hunt through peas and carrots in search of an elusive bit of cheese—or maybe a pretzel.
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles: A toddler’s obsession. His parents’ worst nightmare.1
All The Light We Cannot See: Will 2-year-old Mary ever learn that the night light really is enough?
The Great Alone: A toddler playing in his room has the ultimate test of survival when he suddenly realizes his mom has left the room.
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow: The mind-blowing moment a toddler realizes there is more than the present.
In Five Years: Newly minted Danny despairs of ever being old enough to ride the big yellow bus, his horror growing after he discovers his mother’s plan to homeschool.
Remarkably Bright Creatures: One night, one toddler, and thousands of fireflies.
Such A Fun Age: A harried mom of toddlers nurtures deep resentment toward empty nesters who come up to her at the grocery store and remark how much they miss their children being that age.
Things We Cannot Say: Deep anguish and much flailing after a toddler’s parents fail to comprehend that “lohlohloh” means “I must have avocado, else I perish!”
The Push: A toddler explores her amazing ability to make things move, until one day a sibling pushes back.
When the World Goes Quiet: This novel explores the unnatural silence that alerts a parent that their 3-year-old is giving her younger brother his first haircut, after they both painted the bathroom and themselves with toothpaste . . . again.
The Room: The harrowing trial of a toddler’s transition to sleeping in his own room.
I Have Some Questions for You: A toddler discovers the power of why.
The Women: Wandering off during a church potluck, twenty-month-old Cole gets lost in a sea of legs and heels—and only one pair belongs to his mother.
Me Before You: The daily life of the every-toddler.
I realize this is a movie, not a book. But I couldn’t resist since 73.695403% of my day is reading books about vehicles, breaking up fights over said toys, and trying not to curse/scream when I step on one (why are the couplers on the Thomas metal trains sooooo sharp?!)
Absolutely hilarious! Thank you. I hope that someday you will do book reviews of children's books you like and would recommend.
I think I’d rather read some of the content you’re pitching for these titles than the actual content! I promise I won’t make ludicrous comments about how fast the time goes and treasure it while you can, though. As much as I enjoy the visits from a friend’s preschoolers, I always finish the visit wondering how I had the energy to handle it 24/7.